Tuesday, 27 January 2015

WRITER's BLOCK - Licking it and LOVING it!


(oops that spellcheck…FOREWORD)

Hello, hello!
Welcome to my world!
If you are reading this, something about the subject entranced you…

Or the divine cover (which is my own design by the way).
If it entranced you, chances are you have WRITER’S BLOCK!
Or are you one of those people who have intellectual hypochondria and “acquire” any fascinating syndrome or trauma as a fashion accessory or talking point at parties?

“Hi! I’m Maggie! I have writer’s block…Well, no…I’m not a writer yet. I haven’t written anything…Why? Well…I have writer’s block…How do I know I have writer’s block if I haven’t written anything? Well…It’s a soul thing you know…What is my writing method??? DIDN’T I TELL YOU I HAVE WRITER’S BLOCK? HOW THE FUCK SHOULD I KNOW WHAT MY WRITING METHOD IS IF I HAVE FUCKING WRITER’S BLOCK?”

Oops…Can you tell who is going home alone from the Literary Soiree tonight?

By the way? If you are allergic to occasional gratuitous profanity, DROP THIS BOOK! (wait, it’s an e-book, so don’t DROP it)

We are literary not LITERAL here, ok?

Let’s establish some guidelines so I don’t get sued. (I know you-all out in the USA are particularly litigious, so let me cover my admittedly luscious ass quickly here)

1. This book contains ADULT MATERIAL.
(I always envision little penises and vaginas pressed between the pages? But no, we may however MENTION penises and vaginas, so be warned. Why would we mention penises and vaginas in a book about Writer’s Block? Well…I don’t KNOW! I wrote this in a frenzy of inspiration…)

2. Keep on a high shelf out and of reach of children. (The penis and vagina thing. We don’t want children suspecting we have them.)

3. The Author does not guarantee the results of any of the advice contained in this book.

4. The Author does not take responsibility for any consequences that may result from following the advice contained in this book. (this includes reckless marriages to improbable Muses, or unwanted pregnancies as a result of drunken carousing)

5. The Author wrote this in a state of inebriation and therefore cannot be held accountable for any of the potentially offensive points of view expressed in this book. (if you are easily offended you may reconsider the decision to read my stuff?)

6. The Author belongs to several ethnic minorities and is therefore entitled to be POLITICALLY INCORRECT and CULTURALLY PREJUDICED and otherwise INSENSITIVE.

7. The Author is a struggling writer without a pot to pee in, so go ahead and sue anyway, SUCKER! (HI HI HI! Chardonnay is good…hics)

Manuela Cardiga

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