Monday, 24 March 2014

"Guilty Pleasures" Contest! WIN an E-BOOK!

Answer three EASY QUESTIONS about Manuela Cardiga's delicious Cock and Cook Comedy "GUILTY PLEASURES - The Food and Fornication Fables" and win a download of "Desire's Detective" a divinely raunchy historical satire by Manuela Cardiga and DesireƩ Cronson.

1. What is Lance Packhard's real name?

2. Where was Serge born?

3. What is Millie's dog called?

Send your answers to

and WIN

Saturday, 15 March 2014

Review for "Guilty Pleasures" by Manuela Cardiga

By LHamp "onecrazymom" (utah) -
This review is from: Guilty Pleasures (The Food andFornication Fables) (Kindle Edition)
How do I even start with this one? I LOVED it! What an interesting spin for a story. The banter between the characters was awesome. The sexual chemistry was hot hot hot! To put it in a nutshell, this book reads like a fine piece of pastry....LOL It is part exquisite cookbook, mixed in with a touch of self help and well written information for the man, about how to care for his woman and to finish it off, a hefty dose of sexy, proud, resilient, know it all therapist Lance.
Lance is currently working on his first book, a sexual how-not-to treat your woman. He is a practicing sex therapist by day, specializing in Awakenings. He helps to teach women find sexual fulfillment. That they are capable of finding and bringing pleasure back into their lives. What he is not expecting is to be propositioned by a very well to do woman. She has come to offer Lance a solution to his mounting debt. He just has to impregnate her daughter. Who is more concerned about running her private dining club, Guilty Pleasures. She does not date, she is in a relationship with her business and herself for the most part. She lives a very quiet life. Her mother wants Lance to shake her up a bit. He is very hesitant to take the offer and decides to check things out for himself. What he finds is an amazing woman, who under normal circumstances he would not have an attraction too. He soon finds himself employed by Millicent, under a false identity. And the web of deceit begins to spin. He never had any intentions of falling in love with her.
Millicent Deafly, owner of Guilty Pleasures. A very private, invite only dining club, that specializes in just that. Fulfilling your palate and stomach, with the most amazingly sinful, fatty foods. Clients were subject to medical and psychiatric evaluations before they were even allowed to make reservations. Anyone with medical issues or eating disorders, were not allowed. She has become fairly well know and has clients from all over the world. Her private life, is just that, private. Her mother drives her crazy and she tries to steer clear of her as much as possible. All the woman does is point out her flaws and make her feel like crap. Her father, has passed away and he was the one person she was closest too. She has had one relationship in the past, but has sworn off men for the most part. When Will Pecklise walks into her life. Slowly her walls begin to fall as she lets Will into her life.
The staff at Guilty Pleasures is crazy. Serge, the cook, a black Russian dwarf, with a wicked sense of humor and mad culinary skills to boot. He has lived a very rough life. But has now found happiness working for Millie. He is a surrogate father to Millie. He will do anything to protect her. And as the reader will find out, he had a very close relationship with her father. The banter between he and Will is nuts. I was laughing all the time. What I would give to be a helper in his kitchen. Just to smell and taste the creations that he cooks. You can't help but be hungry while reading this book. Throw in some crazy clients, with crazy wants and needs and cello player that cannot keep their hands to themselves and you have the mixing's of a very interesting story. That keeps you turning the page.
This is Manuela Cardiga's first novel and I think she did a great job, telling a unique story about finding ones self and the happiness that they deserve. We are not all perfect and through her characters we learn that it really doesn't matter what the person looks like, it is what is inside that matters most. In the end will Millicent and Lance be able to make their lives work together, in and out of the kitchen. Can Millie find it in her heart to forgive him for his betrayal? Will they find the happiness that they both so deserve? I look forward to the next book in this series. Job well done Manuela!

Friday, 14 March 2014

Roman Phase: Connubial plights and nightly delights


Used to be
This hilarious
Stand up kinda guy.
I’m serious!

He only got peculiar
After Livia
(Cannibal mother
Devouring bitch)
Made him marry Julia.

You see,
She had a thing
(or was it a fling)
With this slave
From Nubia?

So Tiberius
Spoke to Valerius
And he got rid
Of the Nubian
Which roused
The famous
Julian temper
To unforeseen

She really didn’t like
Being deprived
Of her nightly delights?

So Tiberius
Ran off to Capri
In hopes of being free
Of the spite of his mother
And his adulterous wife,
And from such
Domestic strife
Does poor Rome’s
Plight derive.

Manuela Cardiga

Roman Phase - Empire: The Julian Line


The crowd hushed
When Caligula blushed.

It was quite a feat,
You must admit,
To make Great Caesar
Red as a beet;
And all I did
Was exclaim:
“Hey little booties
You got ugly footies!”

That’s it. That’s all.
Old Claudius can
Fart melodious,
Can be a sinner,
Must I go on?

Is the issue germane?
The guy’s got ugly feet,
And a stupid nick-name!
Am I to blame?

I though I was
Being witty
But it looks like
I was flirting
With Hades…

So this is why,
This perfectly nice
Patrician Roman
With all the right
Is going to serve
As snack
For a pack
Of mangy cats.

Bye-Bye cruel world!
And since I am done
Let me proclaim:
“Gaius Julius Caesar Augustus
Germanicus Caligula’s a big
Fat ugly prat!”
Let’s see you get
Your revenge on that!

Manuela Cardiga

Thursday, 13 March 2014


If I told him once
I told him
A thousand times:
Julius, don't go!
But would he listen?
NO! He HAD to go!

Him and that silly man
With the ear-fetish,
And that shifty-eyed
Wuss Brutus
About ambition
And sedition...
So he went!

And look what happened?
There's this great big rent
In his best toga!
And I'll never get that stain out!
I'll never forgive him for this!

Bad enough him going around
Slumming with that pole-dancer
In Alexandria?
Barging down the Nile...
Making a fool of himself
At his age, with his toupee...
Why he wore the Laurels!

"It didn't mean a thing Calpurnia!
I'll NEVER spurn you!"
Then that cheap bit
Shows up in Rome...
Oh I have suffered,
I'll have you know!

Now that Antonius
Is groaning
And moaning
And fiddling with
Octavia's earlobe
And going on
About the dogs of war?
Damn them all!

I didn't want to marry
The dictator of the world,
I just wanted him
To stay home.

Manuela Cardiga

Wednesday, 12 March 2014


Dire melancholia
Had me in its grip.

I promise you,
I swear it did!
I was moaning,
And sighing ,
And crying
Fit to keep
An ocean filled…

My nose was running,
My sorrow was deep,
My heart was shattered
And I could hardly sleep
For all that tossing
And all that turning?

It was just perfect.
I tell you, it was perfect.
As perfect a bout
Of unrequited love
With associated melancholia
As you could wish to see.

And then I caught a glimpse
Of myself in a mirror:
The tousled mane – PERFECT
The huge-eyed pain – AMAZING
The tremulous mouth – DIVINE

I looked that Drama
Straight in the eye
And sighed…
And that was when
Perfection died.

I should have cried
One perfect tear;
Allowed it to slide
Down my interestingly
Pale cheek?

Well I didn’t.
I’m so ever so sorry,
But I started to giggle.
Which goes to show
I’m either a heartless brat,
Or suffer from a lamentable
Shallowness of affect.

Manuela Cardiga

Monday, 10 March 2014


Oh let me go home
To a quiet place
Where I need
Not hide
My face
When I cry.

Manuela Cardiga

Saturday, 8 March 2014


I want to be
The fallow earth
That welcomes
The thrust of iron
And opens itself
Languorous furrows
Of desire

I want to make you
Welcome rain
Summon thundering
Tearing clouds to spill
Raise eager palms
To cup and drink
Lick trickling drops
My treasure

I want to be fertile
Deep burrowing seed
Unfolding loamy loins
Convulsing to give birth
To moist pleasure.

EXCLUSIVE Sensational Unpublished Excerpt from "Guilty Pleasures" by Manuela Cardiga

She was asleep. She lay sprawled on the bed, under a thin red veil, her arms thrown out, legs parted: nude. The light threw rosy shadows on her flesh through the veil, deepening to shades of crimson in the hollows and deep crevices of her body. Her soft, deep breaths puffed out the silk over her face, first blurring, then accentuating her features as she inhaled. She made a soft noise, turning her head towards him. Lance knelt by the bed. He slid his cupped hand over her thigh, barely stirring the fine silk, tracing the long contours of her legs with his fingertips. He slid his fingers over her parted lips, the silk yielding, moistening, darkening with her saliva. He crouched over her, breathing her in. Delicately he licked at the wet silk over her mouth, felt her lips move in a sigh.
He slid his mouth, barely skimming the veil, over the side of her neck, he brushed at her collarbones, her shoulders, leaving a dark moist kiss imprinted on the hollow of her throat. He caressed the satiny flesh along her sides, sliding his mouth along the sensitive under curve of her breast, watching her nipples swell under the veil. He moved his mouth in a concentric spiral, his touch teasingly light, flickered his tongue briefly at the nipple before dedicating himself to her other breast. She moaned, moving restlessly and raised her knees, arching her back as if inviting a lover. Lance suckled avidly at her nipples, feeling her tremble under him, gasping his name.
“Hush, love, don’t move, don’t open your eyes…” Lance husked. He slid his mouth further down, nipping at the soft curves of her belly, delved at her navel, flickered downwards, felt her whole body thrum. “Shhhh…Hush…” He ignored the dark shadow between her legs, and licked at the soft, plump, flesh of her inner thighs, slowly nibbling his way ever upwards, hearing her pant, tense with expectation. He eased gentle fingers down into her cleft, brushing tense lips fleeting over her engorged flesh, slow butterfly touches. He felt her pelvis rising under his mouth, her veiled hands clasping at his head, pulling him closer. “If you move, I stop…” Her hands fell away with a soft cry. Lance continued his leisurely caresses, feeling the tension rising in her body to unbearable levels, he sat up slowly. She lay dead still on the bed, her nails sunk into the mattress, her body tight as a strung wire. Her ragged breath stirred her breasts, nipples erect, the silk over them a wet dark crimson from his mouth. A low moan escaped her. Her thighs trembled, the silk between them sodden from her arousal. He slid his body over hers, the slithering silk a maddening caress against his erection.

“Help me, my love …” He felt her hands close around him, as he grasped at the veil and pulled it up to her waist. She pulled him closer, arching her body, rubbing his cock against her wetness teasingly; rubbing his heated gland against her soaked cleft, positioning him at her slippery opening. He felt her thrust upwards, her heat encompassing him, scalding him. Her impossibly tight silken sheath was suckling at him, her softness cradling him. He was moving, mindlessly, artlessly; like a boy with his first woman; rising, calling her name, falling from some unimaginable height into darkness.

Friday, 7 March 2014

Prison Break-Fast at Tiffany's by Manuela Cardiga

"Prison Break-Fast at Tiffany's - or How Contemporary Designer Status-Symbols and Street-Culture are Destroying Ethnic Diversity in the Prison System" is a tongue-in-cheek Flash-Play set in a Woman's Prison, where all the Prisoners are Shoe-fetishists and Fashion-Victims...except one. Cindy-Ella.


My Muse the Rose 
Declared my prose verbose.

That pesky Rose 
Has rooted near my heart,
And probes thorned fingers 
To test at every part.

I must confess 
Such pain delights,
And so I draw 
That tender thorn 
And call “Encore”,
Dear Rose, au coeur…

Though I must advise: 
To reach 
The inner chambers 
Of this heart,
Such a dainty prick 
Will not suffice.

You must find 
A stronger, 
Longer spike
To batter 
Your way inside.

Manuela Cardiga


Dark-threading almond blossom
Across a cherry moon
Tongue pearling down
The taste of you

Be thou asleep my Muse?
Now its bloody haiku
And I hate haiku.
And bad haiku too...

Is it not amusing,
To so feed
Thy burgeoning ego?
I have a feeling it is quite insatiable…

(As you see my adoration
Is unstable and wavers
From absolute to dissolute)

Which is why being loved
Does not thee satisfy;
So I shall keep my heart,
And feed thee bad poetry
In lieu of love quoth true;
Which thou wilt see
Of necessity
As marvellous indeed
For how could it be other wise
Being so inspired?
Would such incandescence
Wrestle reluctant worship
From mediocrity?

All Muses love their poets well,
Believing the mirror cannot be flawed,
That can such perfection tell…

Manuela Cardiga


“Do you want me”, you ask
And smile that green-eyed mischief
I so love:“Do you want me, 
And how much?”

So very much…
Why should you doubt?
How can you doubt?
And then I sense
Under the light repartee
Something unsatisfied, a hole
A space, a lacking : unfulfilled
An aching place that will not
Cannot be filled.

And I reach out and bare
My own wanting though I know
It will not answer :
Your desire must first be
For  another part
A slice
A splice
Of your very own heart.
How can you love me,
Or believe my love
If you do not
Will not
Love yourself?

Manuela Cardiga

MANscapes - Journey into Light

A NEW NOVEL by Manuela Cardiga

"All women - from the most exquisite beauty to the plainest drab - want to believe in the Cinderella myth. Even the harsh-faced and sour-hearted, somewhere deep in their night-time struggles with their bitterest reality, dare to dream some Prince could still see past the dense veil of unkind nature and time, to the delicate, frail-hearted beauty within."

But Clara wasn't Cinderella, waiting for her Prince, she was Sleeping Beauty poisoned by a deadly kiss. After 24 years Clara awakens from a living nightmare of abuse and discovers her life unfolding miraculously; but the true miracle is her own blossoming: the maturing of a frightened abused girl into a strong woman capable of love, laughter and joy. In Tahiti's exotic landscape Clara finds her way from darkness to incandescent light, embracing in herself the strength of choice, and the power of decision. MANscapes is a powerful parable of hope and renewal, a story of one woman's discovery of herself and her journey into love.

EXCERPT from "MANscapes a Journey Into Light"

“When we have been abused, as you and I were, Clara; some part of us learns to believe we are unworthy and undeserving of love. So we give ourselves to people like Walker. Who will love us, oh yes…But…It is not good love, Clara. It is vampire love. Love that will hurt and burden us; that will syphon off our energies, feed on our souls.” Sylvine’s gentle fingers stroked back Clara’s hair from her forehead and her temples, where it clung, damp with tears. Her voice dropped to a whisper, “So we tell ourselves the story of unconditional love. We will give, and give unstintingly; and then one day, that magical love will transform the undeserving into deserving.” She paused, “But you see, Clara, the undeserving we wish to transform by that giving is ourselves.”

Clara turned her face deeper into Sylvine’s cradling form,

“Yes. True transformation will only happen –happiness Clara!- when we learn to accept someone else’s gift. When we finally accept we deserve that very same love we so doggedly give and give with no return.”


5.0 out of 5 stars

August 9, 2014
Format:Kindle Edition
"Manuela Cardiga’s Manscapes is beautifully written - so descriptive. Her evocative writing brings the scenery and the character's emotions to life. But it's a sad and painful tale- it made me cry - a lot - which is testament to the author’s wonderful storytelling ability. Manscapes is a captivating story about the reality of so many women, and thought it is a painful journey, it does end in hope."

5.0 out of 5 stars
Written with poetic flair.
October 4, 2014

By Lynelle "Aspiring Writer"
This review is from: MANscapes (Kindle Edition)

What an incredible story. Written with so much thoughtfulness and poetic flair that you could not help but to connect on a deeper level with the main character. Clara Nova's story is heartfelt and touching, her struggles to be her own woman was just so believable.

Raped at the age of eighteen, Clara had no other option but to marry the man when she became pregnant. Not only did he rape her body, but raped her mind, and her emotions, so that she was lost for everyone, except him.

When she finally woke one morning with the realization that she is more than a victim, she returned as this very strong intelligent woman with a passion and drive that would not allow her to be a victim anymore. With this realization her journey of self discovery began, and together we walk with her through this growth. Watch as she discover love for the first time, enjoying the desire and passion of her art and awakening between the crisp white sheets.

I really love the name of the book, Manscapes. What a brilliant way of describing Clara's journey as she grew into this passionate being. Mapping out her desires with oils and brush.

When Johnny Walker walked into her life she had awaken fully. His brooding ways had sat her aflame, and he taught her about lovemaking. But he too, had some demons to fight, demons that stood in their way of happiness, and at the end he made a choice.

With the death of her husband, she learned more startling news, helping her daughter to face her own fears, both becoming independent in the process.

I loved Winston's character, his character was always in the background, but yet his presence couldn't be denied. His silent strength a witness to his graceful persona.

Really a very good story with an in-depth look of a mature woman as she get to know herself, her strengths, and fears and deals with everything that life threw at her.

Tuesday, 4 March 2014


A Fisherman
By a painted lake
Caught by chance
In his tangled net
A Cormorant-Maid:
Drawn up
And panting
On the land
Wild and strange.

The Cormorant-Maid
Twisted under
The Fisherman's
Gentling hands;
Kindness deceived
And the serpentine
Lovely sinuous thing
Parted it's beak:

"You have saved
So for a Moon
I will stay and dive
And bring all
You may need
To repay this boon.
But only, only for
This one Moon."

Now the sly
Fisherman agreed,
And for a Moon
She brought to him
From that deep
Silver, pearls
Jade and the
Cold fire
Of Burma rubies
Red as her blood.

That last night he spoke
Of love and touched
Her long black hair
And whispered her fair
And the Cormoran-maid
Cold and afraid
Trembled and laid on
The Fisherman's bed
Rubies, Burma rubies
Red as first love.

In the morrow
The Fsherman-lover
Begged of her:
"Oh stay and love
For yet another Moon
And a day, one day
and another..."

But the Cormorant-Maid
With her long dark hair
And gold mad eyes, cried
"I cannot, must not delay..."
And the Fisherman sighed
As if in sorrow
And made such play
On bitter sadness
That the foolish
Bird-Maid, Mad-Maid
Did say "I love thee,
And will return..."
And bent down
To drown
His frown
With a hundred

He wiped a tear
And vowed to wait,
And offered as pledge
A crown...

He held in his hand
A silver circlet
Of water-brightness
Offering glass-clear
And sparkling love.

Now the Maiden
Trustingly knelt
To accept the
The love-token
He made to bind
Upon her forehead,
And found herself
Collared instead.

And that, so it is said,
Is how Fishermen
Came to bind
And tricked
To dive endlessly
For  treasure-
Choked by love
Deceived to deliver
All the precious things
They find
In hopes of earning
The freedom
To search for love
From a mind
Of a like kind.

Manuela Cardiga


I have loved life
Much longer
Than I have loved you,
So I know
There is no loss
Of love or limb
I cannot survive,
And in this case,
Only amputation
Will suffice
To cut that bind,
That thing
Between us two-
End it -
Cut it through.

Whatever pain
From what love
May remain
I will cure,
The phantom
Of my heart
I will endure.

Come now,
Don't complain!
Must I yet again
This is your will,
Not mine!

So hold still;
Don't struggle so,
While I strike
That final blow
And sever
My heart from you.

Manuela Cardiga

Monday, 3 March 2014


When we decide
Define or design
For ourselves
We are fools.

Everything is fluid;
And fluent fate
Has no word to
Explain or express
The universal jest.

You turn
You run
You scorn
You rage
And reject,
Yet patient life
Brings you back
To that cul-de-sac
Again and again:
Until you choose,
Until you lose
Your fear of pain,
And embrace
And love

Manuela Cardiga

What rhymes
With a penis
That's a little
Too quick
To the finish?

Of course
It's not all
About time
(Let's not be shallow)
It's also about size...
Also technique?
But do not let us

Seriously now,
If we really stuck
For a rhyme
We can always
Change our mind.
We can also try
A prick, or a dick?

Manuela Cardiga


Is the Charm
They say,
And don’t do
No harm.

But me?
I don’t agree:
Ask you once
Ask you twice
Pray I don’t
Ask thrice
Cause that’s
A drop-kick
Out of my life.

Manuela Cardiga