Sir Da Bump and Lady DaGrind
Set off on a brave quest to find
Da One and da Only
Da Hale and da Holy
Da fabulous fabled Da Grail.
They travelled for miles
Through wood, hill and dell
No-where did they find
Hide hair or bind
Of da Holy da Hale
Da One and da Only Da Grail.
Now DaBump he was tired
And Fate so conspired
They should spy
On da edge of da moor
A very odd door
Set low on a hill.
Weariness inspired,
So they knocked
And DaBump later swore
He heard someone snore
Or swear
He would not say which
But he thought
It may have been a witch…
Now the door opened wide
And standing inside
Was a woman
Both hale and hearty and bright
“Come in” she cried
“No need to hide!
Dear Lady, and thou Sire,
If thou be a Knight at Arms
And not some frightened lump!
Come thou in
And greet Da Hump!”
And greet Da Hump!”
Da two did timidly step inside
And were royally wined and dined
By their kindly hostess
“Now tell me the purpose
That brings you to this dell
On a day so fell?”
“We seek da Grail
For we wish to partake
As we heard that two
That drink and sip
Of that Holy Cup
And da Liquid inside
Shall never part
Nor ever be
Untrue at Heart”
Now the DaHump
With a grin and a wink
Poured out yet more drink:
“Why travel so far?
Is da Cup not right here?
Between the thighs
Of da Lady Fair?
You, Lady, know where...
So pour in da Liquor
And as to this task,
Let not thy resolve flicker!”
“Da Liquor!” cried DaGrind
“But where will I find
Da Source or da Font?”
Again did DaHump
With jiggle and a thump
On the table that made
Da cutlery jump
Laugh for their ignorance
Tickled her fancy so!
“Why Sir Knight,
Thou hast a spout!
Thou hast a spout!
I’ll warrant that!
Oh I’ve no doubt!
And that is
The very fount!”
And more and more
Did DaHump giggle
And wrinkle her nose
Even her toes wiggled.
She leaned in close
And whispered a word
In Lady DaGrind’s ear
Da Lady blushed I do fear,
But bravely did proceed
To lead her Knight:
She bid goodnight
To kind DaHump
And took him inside…
Oh in that bedroom
Did DaBump sigh
And blush himself,
And moan and cry.
But so determined
Was Lady DaGrind
That by sweet dawn
Da Cup was full
Da Spout quite dry
Da Liquor drained,
And all that remained
Was to thank DaHump
And go on home
With a happy hop skip
And DaBump.
I must confess
DaGrind’s distress
When some months later
This steady diet
Did play riot
With her health.
She grew quite full,
Her belly high
Her belt wouldn't tie
And only then did
She perceive
Da heady Liquor
From da spout
From da spout
Did seed and sprout!
So in the fullness of time,
Our Lady DaGrind
And Brave Sir DaBump
Produced a DaLump,
A DaStump and a DaThump
And finally one
Pretty maid DaGroin
Pretty maid DaGroin
Our happy family did join.
We now bid adieu
To our sweet lovers
DaBump and DaGrind
Who bravely did find
The secret to life
Was held by happy DaHump!
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