Saturday, 26 October 2013

By special request by a Knight on a Quest I bring you da rest of da Epic Tale Of DaBump DaGrind and Da Holy Grail

Sir Da Bump and Lady DaGrind
Set off on a brave quest to find 
Da One and da Only 
Da Hale and da Holy 
Da fabulous fabled Da Grail. 
They travelled for miles 
Through wood, hill and dell 
No-where did they find 
Hide hair or bind 
Of da Holy da Hale 
Da One and da Only Da Grail. 

Now DaBump he was tired 
And Fate so conspired 
They should spy 
On da edge of da moor 
A very odd door 
Set low on a hill. 

Weariness inspired, 
So they knocked 
And DaBump later swore 
He heard someone snore 
Or swear 
He would not say which 
But he thought 
It may have been a witch… 

Now the door opened wide 
And standing inside 
Was a woman 
Both hale and hearty and bright 
“Come in” she cried 
“No need to hide! 
Dear Lady, and thou Sire, 
If thou be a Knight at Arms 
And not some frightened lump! 
Come thou in
And greet Da Hump!” 

Da two did timidly step inside 
And were royally wined and dined 
By their kindly hostess 
“Now tell me the purpose 
That brings you to this dell 
On a day so fell?” 
“We seek da Grail 
For we wish to partake 
As we heard that two 
That drink and sip 
Of that Holy Cup 
And da Liquid inside 
Shall never part 
Nor ever be 
Untrue at Heart” 

Now the DaHump 
With a grin and a wink 
Poured out yet more drink: 
“Why travel so far? 
Is da Cup not right here? 
Between the thighs 
Of da Lady Fair? 
You, Lady, know where... 
So pour in da Liquor 
And as to this task, 
Let not thy resolve flicker!”
“Da Liquor!” cried DaGrind 
“But where will I find 
Da Source or da Font?” 

Again did DaHump 
With jiggle and a thump 
On the table that made 
Da cutlery jump 
Laugh for their ignorance 
Tickled her fancy so! 
“Why Sir Knight,
Thou hast a spout! 
I’ll warrant that! 
Oh I’ve no doubt!
And that is 
The very fount!” 

And more and more 
Did  DaHump giggle 
And wrinkle her nose 
Even her toes wiggled. 
She leaned in close 
And whispered a word 
In Lady DaGrind’s ear 
Da Lady blushed I do fear, 
But bravely did proceed 
To lead her Knight: 
She bid goodnight 
To kind DaHump 
And took him inside… 

Oh in that bedroom 
Did DaBump sigh 
And blush himself, 
And moan and cry. 
But so determined 
Was Lady DaGrind 
That by sweet dawn 
Da Cup was full 
Da Spout quite dry 
Da Liquor drained, 
And all that remained 
Was to thank DaHump 
And go on home 
With a happy hop skip 
And DaBump. 

I must confess 
DaGrind’s distress 
When some months later
This steady diet 
Did play riot 
With her health. 
She grew quite full, 
Her belly high 
Her belt wouldn't tie
And only then did 
She perceive 
Da heady Liquor
From da spout 
Did seed and sprout! 

So in the fullness of time, 
Our Lady DaGrind 
And Brave Sir DaBump 
Produced a DaLump, 
A DaStump and a DaThump 
And finally one
Pretty maid DaGroin 
Our happy family did join. 

We now bid adieu 
To our sweet lovers 
DaBump and DaGrind 
Who bravely did find 
The secret to life 
Was held by happy DaHump!

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