Thursday, 29 June 2017

Chronicles Of A Middle Aged Vampire - Part 30

"Nice to meet you Gries, " I smiled back, "But why is it shitty?"

He stared at me in astonishment. " Do I look like Brooks Brothers' material?" He raised those gigantic arms. "Have you seen my teeth? I look like shit. I get treated like scum." tears clouded those odd eyes with their vaguely psychotic gleam. " I had respect. Now I am despised. Feared and despised - but still despised." He wrung those ham sized hands together in a peculiarly feminine gesture of distress. "Despised!"

I extended a hesitant hand unsure of where it would be safe to deliver  a comforting pat. I opted for one huge shoulder bristling with wiry blond hair, rather like a hog's back. "There," I said in that tone that had so often irritated the shit out of me in other people's mouths. "It will all work out, you will see! Chin up, what!"

He cast me a baleful stare. "Listen lady, I been killing, raping and pillaging for centuries, commanding respect - I was a fucking thane! Now I have trouble renting a flea-bag hotel room!"

I was starting to regret this. A lot. On the meat-man's other side, a mushy red face popped out. Popped being the operative word. The poor creature's face was a swamp of red infection liberally studded with huge shiny pus-yellow boils quivering on the very edge of eruption.

"I've had acne for seven hundred years."

Shit. I needed a drink. Or a straight vodka intravenous drip.


No comments:

Post a Comment