Thursday, 6 April 2017

The Chronicles Of A Middle-Aged Vampire- Part 21

It was all settled. All the sad details of burial, the discarding of the fleshy casing - the remnants of a forgettable life...

I was suddenly overcome with a wave of affection and gratitude for Donnie and his myopia. His "mistake" had gifted me with a new life - bizarre, complicated, but filled with promise. Frank's death had showed me a glimpse of the ending of a mediocre life, and I was relieved that such a trivial existence had been ripped away from me.

I was now immortal - whatever that meant - and if I wasn't exactly in the first flush of youth, I was still a vibrant sexual being. The last hours had proved that to me. That woman who I had though neutered by years of sublimation and submission to emotional starvation was now resurrected by my timely undeath.

Sheila dropped me off at home. She had wanted to stay for the night, but I had dissuaded her. I wanted to try on my new threads, and give the Doctor and Donnie a call.

I walked in and kicked off my shoes, and was about to carry them and my shopping bags upstairs when a strange noise stopped me dead.

There was someone in my kitchen! Someone was moving around, and then the merry whistle of the kettle drowned out the human sounds. Anger suffused me. Someone was in MY kitchen touching my kettle, helping him or herself to my property.

I'd had enough of home-invasions, and violations of my privacy and physical and emotional integrity. NO MORE!

I moved silently on my stockinged feet, and picked up a large stone obelisk one of Frank's nieces had brought us from Egypt. A tasteless monstrosity I now appreciated for the very first time as capable of causing substantial "blunt force trauma".

I hefted it into a more comfortable grip and stepped into the kitchen, swinging it in a vicious arc, and feeling it connect with bone-crunching force. I had not reckoned with the new strength coursing through my veins! Wham!

I heard a scream before I even saw the intruder, and had lifted the obelisk high over my head for a second blow when I realised that the person sprawled at my feet bleeding messily was Donnie.

The anger and the adrenaline made me scream. "What the fuck are you doing here? Are you mad?"

Then I fell to my knees, and dropped the stupid obelisk. Some part of me noticed there was blood and hair and little globules of yellowy-grey fatty stuff stuck to it. I felt my gorge rise.

I'd killed him. I'd killed poor stupid klutzy Donnie.
Shit. One rape and two murders in two days...

My house was now Crime Central. I could just imagine what the Police would say. This was going to ruin my evening.

Then he groaned and stirred. There were bits of his brain on my kitchen floor, and some things that might have been shards of bone too, but Donnie stirred and struggled to sit up.

"Donnie!" I screamed, "You stupid FUCK! I should KILL you!" And then I started crying in relief.
This immortality shit had its uses after all.


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