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Saturday, 22 April 2017

The Chronicles Of A Middle Aged Vampire - PART 22

I spent the rest of the evening nursing a dazed vampire through regeneration. Basically it just entailed sitting next to him, pouring lots of tea down his gullet and patting his spindly hands when he moaned. Which he did.  A lot!

Apparently immortality did not change the basic male propensity for high drama when in the least bit discomfited. Ok, so a herniated brain is not a paper-cut - but really! I though Donnie did overdo the whining and the squirming around.

I cleaned up the blood and brain matter off the kitchen floor and made myself a hot corned-beef on rye sandwich with lots of mustard. I was positively starving. I offered Donnie some too, but he looked nauseous, so I just topped up his tea cup.

I sat next to him and took a bite. Damn, but food tasted better than ever!

"So, Donnie," I said, more to distract him than out of any desire for the sordid details on his personal habits, "What's you favourite feeding spot?" I giggled. This was funny! Goes to show what the word "normal" really means - I'd used the exact same tone dozens of times to ask for references to coffee shops, or hairdressers...

Donnie blushed violently - nearly purple. "Well...Ah-Ah-I...Go to the docks, you know...The Ladies...I pay of course!"

"Of course!"

"I do-don't have SEX with them, I just...You know..."

"Yes, I see...You feed?"

He nodded emphatically. Curiously enough, Donnie felt it was quite alright to suck blood from the nubile thighs of the hookers on Canal Street, but quite immoral to enjoy the services they were actually selling...

"Yes. But I tip, you know...To make up for..." He ducked his head and I saw that the skull was closing nicely over his pinkly pulsing brain. This was really cool! as Sheila would have exclaimed.

"Don't they notice?" I asked curiously. "That you're...doing THAT?"

"Well, no! Our saliva contains a narcotic and a mildly euphoric hallucinogenic? So I kiss them first." he added a helpful tip: "I used to volunteer at an old age home? So I always spat in the tea of the old dears. Made them so happy!" He smiled seraphically. "It is addictive, so be careful who you kiss!"

"GROOVY!" I exclaimed, "That should make me a hit at the next Church Fund Raiser! I'll pucker up at the kissing booth and make myself a packet!"

Manuela Cardiga


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