Tuesday, 4 July 2017

Chronicles Of A Middle Aged Vampire - Part 32

The massive woman stared at me thoughtfully. "You must ban this killing fury from your heart, Greta, or it will devour you."

"I know killing is forbidden, Donnie told me about the VA rules... Vampires must feed without taking life."

The woman smiled quite sadly. "No Greta, I do not tell you this because it is a law among vampires; I tell you this because you will lose your humanity. I would tell you this even if you were not one of us."

"Yes, Mama Leme," I whispered, thinking of how easy it would have been to kill Rosa. How satisfying. "I think maybe I already have."

"Embrace it!" Shrieked the mustachioed fat man in Cuban heels next to the Vegan Vampirella. "Embrace the darkness and our Dark Lord will shower you with power!"

Dr Al sighed and exchanged an agonized look with Mama Leme.

"Eggbert," she called sharply. Her voice doubled in volume and authority. "In twelve thousand years of life I have yet to come across any "Dark Lord", or any demonic forces, Satanic cults or anything similar in connection with true vampirism. 12.000 years, Eggbert´, I've been a vampire for 12.000 years."

The man's lower lip jutted out under the curled mustachios. "He does so exist! That is what I signed on for, see? Not to be some over sized fat greasy leach!" Tears started to slide down his very pink and rotund cheeks. "I wanted the Dark Mystery! Sinister power, meaning in my life. I was that tired of being the neighborhood joke!"

His fat shoulders shook, with choked sobs "Eggbert Valentine Hopwood the fag in the corner tea-shop. A joke in purple silk reading Tarot Cards for the local old biddies at five o'clock tea."

He raised a tormented face. "I can't even score at the Gothic vampire gay bars! We don't LOOK as good as the fakes! No-one believes that I'm the real deal! And I can't get thin, or have a hair implant, or shave off this stupid mustache and this goatee that makes me look like a massive wanker..."

Dr Al hopped down and walked over to Eggbert and placed a consoling arm around him.

"I'm ridiculous, Al! Ridiculous! Just, please lemme be a dark and dreadful Satanist, please?"

Oh boy...What a collection of absolute winners! I just couldn't wait for the next meeting and all the titillating revelations yet to come!


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