NOT SHIT-STIRRING
NOR NOTHING,
JUST WONDERING

When some poor guy
Takes that bullet,
Falls twitching
And shaking
Spidering fingers,
Foam oozing
From the side
Of his mouth,

That is when
The General
With them pants
With the stripes
Should be there,
Medal in hand
With that
Smarmy smile.

Wonder if
He'd get
That same
Sticky metallic
Taste of fear
As the whistling
Angel-winged bullets
Magically appear
And disappear.

Wonder if
They taught him
At that Academy
That your bowels
Loosen, that death
Scares you shit-less,
That death ain't clean
(not here anyhow)

Wonder if
He even knows
Which end
Of the rifle
The killing bullet goes.


Manuela Cardiga

The poor and destitute desire the death of their near-and-dear as passionately and as frequently as the rich.

From: "Murder Ballad"
Manuela Cardiga

Every so often a blind squirrel gets a nut.

Ivan Shapiro

Isn't it funny? Everyone argues over what constitutes land-ownership, but never again since "The Merchant of Venice" has anyone argued over the ownership of blood; and whether it should lawfully be spilt over money, pounds of flesh OR land-ownership issues...


MC

MORE CHIT-CHAT AT THE DROP OF A HAT!

ME: Have you noticed that the Bleeding-Heart Liberals never bleed at all???

IVAN: Nope, they get the Great Unwashed to do their bleeding for them.

From Conversations with Ivan Shapiro

Eyes may be blind, but hearts ain't deaf...

ME: We preaching to da fishes, people only understand and hear what they want.

IVAN: Yu right but every so often a heart is listening, and hears itself.

From: Conversations with Ivan Shapiro

What we do to survive is one thing; what we need to thrive as whole creative beings capable of joy is another.

MC

Choose carefully what you see; what you let into your mind and into your life, will become your reality.

MC

MOCK TURTLE SOUP

An 18th century recipe: Mrs. Fowle's Mock Turtle Soup

Take a large calf's head and scald off the hair.
Discard the hair and boil up the head in salted water until the horn is tender, then cut the meat into slices about the size of your finger.

Have ready three pints of good mutton or veal broth, put in it half a pint of Madeira wine, half a teaspoonful of thyme, pepper, a large onion, and the peel of a lemon chop't very small.

Take a ¼ of a pint of oysters chop't very small, and their liquor; a little salt, the juice of two large onions, some sweet herbs, and the calf's brains chop't.

Stand all these together in the hot broth for about an hour, and send it up to the table with the yolks of hard eggs.

Serve hot.

Note: might be nice garnished with fresh parsley, or coriander and served with garlic croutons or coarse-crusted home-made bread.

MC

TRUE TURTLE SOUP

Or how to serve up endangered species, namely: TRUE BELIEVERS

Tortoises climb flat surfaces, have you noticed?
They don't know it's flat.

To them all is pain and strain. Ascending to an endless horizon, tortoises heave each step against crushing gravity without the glamorous graceful prance of hoof or paw. All they have is the stubborn unfaltering pace of those dark and dusty heavy claws digging in the dirt.

Tortoises tell themselves a myth: they believe they have the power to disappear, but all they do is close their eyes like children telling themselves and the world they have become invisible- but they are trapped.Tortoises are held flat against the unforgiving earth by the brutal foot of their own truth.

Tortoises have no other defence, they are themselves: unvarnished, unlovely carapaces of unsavoury truths shielding the tender meat of absolute belief beneath.

Tortoises know the world is slow, but never as slow as when - yielding to deceit- they simmer in the agonising bubbling soup of salt regret.

Ironically, in their death-throes Tortoises know a momentary glow, just seconds before they hear the joyous yell: DINNER IS SERVED!


From: Conversations with Ivan Shapiro

INTERNATIONAL POLITICS AND THE RAMIFICATIONS OF THE RISE OF THE LIBERAL FACTION AND WHAT IT MIGHT MEAN TO THE IMPROVEMENT OF THE WORLD'S POLICIES ON WATER CONSERVATION

ME: I was thinking of moving to Canada

IVAN: Yu crazy! Bloody cold here...

ME: Nope, I like the politicians!

IVAN: Yu do? Which one

ME: Your PM!

IVAN: We have a new PM today...

ME: That's him! The YUMMY one

IVAN: LOL

ME: Hope he does the State of the Nation speech  top-less...

IVAN: Yu crazy it's freezing today.

ME: The approval of the whole female electorate will warm things up

IVAN: Yu funny.

ME: Listen this is one of the best looking guys I seen: dead alive or in politics

IVAN: Ya think...

ME: Definetly

IVAN: He looks like a dork.

ME: Nope he doesn't...........He is prime-A beefsteak with teriyaki sause and sesame seed garnish.

IVAN: No wonder he won, the women voted for him!

ME: Yep, and besides these politicians are ALL dorks. Women know it...

IVAN: Thats not the way to vote

ME: But why do we have to have UGLY dorks?

IVAN: Yu got a point.

ME: Exactly! Betcha all the assemblies of parliament will be in full attendance.

IVAN: Yu right.

ME: If I was Canadian I'd vote we have casual Fridays and the PM comes in a swim-suit!

IVAN: Yu on a roll.

ME: He's perfect to play Lance in GP...

IVAN: That he is.

ME: I bet he shaves his chest too.

IVAN: He's married.

ME: So what? We dont wanna lay him, just LOOK at him. Most men in this world are BUTT ugly. The species has been breeding for female beauty and male ambition so we women dont get a lot to look at. Jowls and ambition seem to go together. Besides, you can't do a lot of harm in Canadian politics, can you?

IVAN: Not realy, except make us bankrupt. Which he is gonna do!

ME: Nonsense!

IVAN: True, he's an idiot

ME: At least he can go down to the harbour and earn back that money with his tushie. You know they are ALL idiots.

IVAN: No he is a REAL idiot.

ME: You just resent him cause he is a yummy idiot.

IVAN: No, I dont like fools.

ME: I suppose it's easy to forgive jowly, warty paunchy idiots. AND sweety, he ain't a fool.

IVAN: Yep he is.

ME: Anyone who can master-mind that image is a marketing genius.

IVAN: He got lucky.

ME: Listen, the Americans had Ronnie, and HE was an ABSOLUTE idiot, and he wasn't even goodlooking!

IVAN: Yes but he was a smart idiot.

ME: I was talking about Ronald Reagan, who are you on about? Ronald Sassoon???

IVAN: Nope Reagan.

ME: SHIT! I wouldnt pay two cents to watch Reagan strip to the sound of Smooth Operator, let alone lead a nation.

IVAN: Yu too fussy.

ME: Hell, no. I been patiently watching men stripping for love, if I am going to pay taxes, I wanna prime bod to oogle at.

IVAN: Yu got a point

ME: Ye, and he will get the gay vote too.

IVAN: I'm sure yu right, they all liberals.

ME: Yep. Hey, have you noticed Conservatives breed ugly? Might be the water.


FROM: Conversations with Ivan Shapiro​

A lot of true things seem to be  funny, or is it that funny things are alway true?

We are ALL on the verge of death , every second of our lives. So make up you mind as to whether you spend your time being afraid, or being alive.

MC

Charity demands gratitude, and so benefits only the giver.

Cool as a Cucumber Soup

Ingredients
3 large cucumbers, peeled (reserve paper thin slices to garnish)
Generous hand-full leafy fresh coriander (reserve a sprig for garnish)
1 cup ice water
1 clove garlic
black pepper
salt to taste

a glass of champagne

Garlic croutons

To Make!
Place the diced cucumber and the coriander in a blender with the garlic salt and pepper and the water and blend.

Place in the fridge to chill.

Before serving stir in the Champagne and garnish with the reserved cucumber slices and the chopped coriander. Serve croutons on the side.

This is a starter soup, so small servings!
Should serve 4

ENJOY!

A GREAT 5 Star Review for Desire's Detective!

Great entertainment!

By Lynelle on October 10, 2015
Format: Paperback

This is a tongue in the cheek comical but yet sensual novel that gives you all the elements of a wonderful plot with very interesting characters. Two women are working as detectives within the King's Palace trying to unravel the mystery of the murdered jesters. Both women have their own lives to live while trying to catch the guilty person. Romance and love opens hearts and new possibilities and you could not help but really feel for the Queen and her predicament, the conclusion...well read the book! :)
Filled with so many interesting scenes you are whisked away to a time where no rules were applicable within the King's palace and desires were the ultimate control of all involved. But yet in the typical writing style of the author this is not an explicit book, it is sensual filling the mind with passionate scenarios as the story unfurls to an interesting conclusion.

A well written and enjoyable book that will make for some good entertainment.

DESIRE'S DETECTIVE

The works of God are best done by small hands and quiet words.

The Father I had shaped the woman I am.

We truly live only when we grasp how close we are to death.

The great truth that divides the human race is that women find nude men either alarming or hysterically funny. Unless of course, they are in love with the man behind the penis.

The mad don't lie.

The core of "maleness" is very close to the surface...

We dwell on our pains too much. We forget that pains remembered wound the heart again again; but love heals.

If you have a story to share at the world's end, and one kiss, then it is a life well lived.


MC

Youth departs from the flesh, but not from the heart.

MC