Manuela Cardiga - Guilty Pleasures and Culinary Treasures

ISIS RECRUITMENT OFFICER'S MANUAL 101

So we was jist hangig
round the corner store
cracking gum and talkin shit
and this guy he comes along?

He says:
"How liveth thou thy misspent youth!
Can not thy mortal eyes
See God's frown?
Is there in thine heart
No belief in Paradise
Or worthiness in this life?"

So me and my mate
we jist spits and grin
"Get your shit together,
and get out, fucker!
we got bizzness
and you takin up space!"

"Indeed!" Quoth he,
and right away
i could see
the dude was mad
as a hatter
cause he was
fondlin these beads
and setting off a clatter,
doing a shufflin dance
in these weird tap-shoes.

"Thou art dirt
And to dirt returneth.
No worth from birth
To grave, 

Thy existence
Of matter to none,
Not even thy unfortunate dam.
Thou art a a dot
On a census statistic plot,
A mangy suckling,
An unfortunate drain
On the benefits tit,
A waste of human DNA."

"Here now!"
cried we
" we got worth!"

"History will judge
And find thee wanting
Of meaning, of substance...
One hundred years,
And no word or murmur
Of thy names will remain,
In thy remembrance
Not even a moldy stain."

i knew this was true
cause i seen
how Mam
can hardly remember
her Pa's name
specially when she's
had a dram or two
(though i think maybe
she never knew)

so i says to the guy
"what all snake oil's
you sellin?
immortality?"

"Nay!" cried he
"Morality!"
He steps closer
and he grins
and on his breath
i smells nitroglycerin.

"Sainted wilt thou be
Blessed and elevated,
And no man
Nor woman
In this nation
That wilt not know
Thy name and station."

"well now...what about them chicks?"
i scratch my balls and winks
"morality ain't what i crave!
will i gets to bury my stave?"

"Take you up this holy burden
and seventy pleading
heaving-bosomed ladies
will offer thee their
bodies, untried
and palpitating..."

"mate, " says i
"you've got a deal!"
just gimme the gun
and tell me
who i've got to kill!"


MC