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Tuesday, 20 May 2014

DING DONG  SAVED BY THE GONG

"Ding-dong the witch is dead..."
Now that song
Always confused
Me a bit:
Which ding
Or witch dong?

Did the witch
Ding the dong?
Or did the dong
Ding the witch?

Is it me or is it all
Vaguely obscene?
Like dignified Asians
Unfortunately named
Long Duck Wong?

Was the witch
Dinging
the Dong?
Or being Donged
On the aforementioned
Ding?

Let me however clarify
One little thing:
I have nothing against
Dings, or dongs
Prongs or wongs;
Be they shorts or longs.
Nothing! I swear!
I'm an equal
Opportunity dinger...

I fact ,one
Of the nicest things
A man ever said to me
Was: "I miss your ding"

(It's actually not
As exciting
As it may seem;
Or as thrilling
As it may sound
But it was sweet
And quite profound.)

What can I say?
My life is actually
Quite limited;
Rather like
A Munchkin
Midget.

Which brings us
Back to the story
Of the poor, poor witch
Lying dead in a ditch
Crushed like a louse
Under a huge house?

It just reeks
Of overcompensation
On the part of
Those little
Munchkin pricks
Mulling over their teeny
Weeny little prongs...
And singing
"Ding-dong"
In a joyful throng...

Now that we are on the subject
Of uncomfortable truths?
I have serious doubts
About Dorothy too.

Come on!
Three guys in the woods?
And TOTO???
All you girls and boys
Into the whips
And other sick toys
Know that Ruby Slippers
Really means...
NO UNDERPANTS!

That's right!
Little Miss Dorothy
Wasn't quite
Miss Purity!

She was probably
With the Tin-Man
Denting the ding
And having a fling
With the Scare-Crow
And how about the Lion?
That wasn't Aslan out there!

But back to our
Original analysis...
If the poor witch
Was dinged to death
By the dong...

OH DEAR GOD!!!
The witch was dinged
To inglorious death
By the dong
Of Long Duck Wong!

So all along
They were detailing
In some obscure code
The last incursion
Of the American-Asian war?
And how they
Evened the score?

And here I was
Maliciously thinking
That they were hinting
That that Bitch
Of a Witch was just
Another cheap whore!


Manuela Cardiga

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